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Head in the Toilet Prank - From Just For Laughs
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Priest Golf
A young man and a priest are playing together. At a short par-3 the priest asks, what are you going to use on this hole my son?"e;
The young man says, "e;An 8-iron, father. How about you?"e;
The priest says,"e; I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."e;
The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green.
The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.
The young man says, "e;I don't know about you father, but in my church
when we pray, we keep our head down
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Prostitute Prank - Just For Laughs
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Rose bud
A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this
see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitched
a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that!
The teenager tells her "e;Loosen up Grams. These are modern times.
You gotta let your rose buds show!"e; and out she goes.
The next day the teenager comes down stairs, and the grandmother
is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die.
She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over
and that it is just not appropriate...
The grandmother says, "e;Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show off
your rose buds, then I can display my hanging baskets."e;
Happy Gardening.
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Accidental Shooting Prank in the Park - From Just For Laughs
Amish & Elevator
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves.
The lad asked, "e;What is this, father?"e;
The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, "e;I have no idea what it is."e;
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out.
The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "e;Go get your mother."e;
Anger Management
When you occasionally have a really bad day,
and you just need to take it out on someone,
don't take it out on someone you know,
take it out on someone you don't know,
but you know deserves it.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered
a phone call I'd forgotten to make.
I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying
'Hello.'
I politely said,
'This is Chris.
Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear
'Get the right f*cking number!'
and the phone was slammed down on me.
I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it,
and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks,
when I was paying bills or had a really bad day,
I'd call him up and yell,
'You're an asshole!'
It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced,
I thought my therapeutic 'asshole'
calling would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said,
'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company.
I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?'
He yelled
'NO!'
and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said,> 'That's because you're an asshole!'
and hung up.
One day I was at the store,
getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
Some guy in a black BMW
cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for.
I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot,
but the idiot ignored me.
,br>
I noticed a 'For Sale ' sign in his back window,
so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later,
right after calling the first asshole
(I had his number on speed dial,)
I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.
I said,
'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'
He said,
'Yes, it is.'
I then asked,
'Can you tell me where I can see it?'
He said,
'Yes, I live at 34 Oak Tree Blvd , in Fairfax .
It's a yellow ranch style house and the car's parked right out in front.'
I asked,
'What's your name?'
He said,
'My name is Don Hansen,'
I asked,
'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'
He said,
'I'm home every evening after five.'
I said,
'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'
He said,
'Yes?'
I said,
'Don, you're an asshole!'
Then I hung up,
and added his number to my speed dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem,
I had two assholes to call.
Then I came up with an idea...
I called asshole #1.
He said,
'Hello.'
I said,
'You're an asshole!'
(But I didn't hang up.)
He asked,
'Are you still there?'
I said,
'Yeah!'
He screamed,
; 'Stop calling me,'
I said,
'Make me,'
He asked,
'Who are you?'
I said,
'My name is Don Hansen.'
He said,
'Yeah? Where do you live?'
I said,
'Asshole, I live at 34 Oak Tree Blvd , in Fairfax ,
a yellow ranch style home and
I have a black Beamer parked in front.'
He said,
'I'm coming over right now, Don.
And you had better start saying your prayers.'
I said,
'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole,'
and hung up.
Then I called Asshole #2.
He said,
'Hello?'
I said,
'Hello, asshole,'
He yelled,
'If I ever find out who you are...'
I said,
'You'll what?'
He exclaimed,
'I'll kick your ass,'
I answered,
'Well, asshole, here’s your chance.
I'm coming over right now.'
Then I hung up and immediately called the police,
saying that I lived at 34 Oak Tree Blvd , in Fairfax ,
and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 7 News
about the gang war going down in Oak Tree Blvd in Fairfax .
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax
I got there just in time to watch two assholes
beating the crap out of each other
in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter
and surrounded by a news crew.
NOW I feel much better.
This anger management stuff works great!....Got a joke that deserves "e;Joke of the Week"e; status?Send it to us! |
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Four Eyes has your next laugh covered! |
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